Kamalini's father is living with us through cricket: Mom Saranya reflects on her husband Gunalan's passing

CHENNAI: When G Kamalini walked onto the field at the Dubai International Stadium during the penultimate over of the Indian innings in the Women’s T20 Asia Cup final on Sunday, if there was one person on her mind, it would have been her late father Gunalan. For the first time as an Indian player getting ready to step out onto the field, Kamalini could not talk to her Appa. He had passed away in May due to cardiac arrest.

It was Gunalan who gave a cricket ball in her hand during Covid when she was not even a teenager. And it was him who took her to Chennai for cricket matches, training and trials from Madurai — on most times against the advice of people around — so that Kamalini could play the sport.

Gunalan and Kamalini spent every day talking cricket. Every time she was playing a match, he would be on call with her when she was enroute to the ground. And he would be the first call after the match to dissect everything that happened. It is a tradition they continued even when he had serious health issues, and Kamalini rose through the ranks while living it all.

On Sunday, Gunalan might not have been there physically, but Kamalini knew he was watching from the heavens. The 18-year-old also knew what her dad would want her to do — get out there and give her best for India. The teenager, playing her first match of the tournament, smashed an unbeaten 5-ball 15, giving India the much-needed impetus to finish with 183/5 on board. She also took a catch on the field as India beat Sri Lanka by 72 runs to win their eighth Asia Cup title.

Though the aftermath of the match was overshadowed by the trophy controversy, for Kamalini and her family, it will be a moment etched in memory for lifetime. Hours later, she took to social media and dedicated the win to her father Gunalan in an emotional post. “You are not there to watch me in (the) ground. Dad for sure, you will (be) watching me in the sky. Dad, I am missing you and your voice. Pls (please) come back. But because of you I am here. Thanks dad. Proud of you, My daddy. Love you Dad,” Kamalini wrote on Instagram.

Watching it all from thousands of kilometres afar, Kamalini’s mother Saranya was beaming with pride. She was speechless and struggled to find words to express what it meant. "I can't even express it in words. The wickets kept falling one after another. We thought at least if she just got a chance to step onto the field, that would be enough. Seeing her on screen, hitting that six... she made good use of the opportunity given to her. I can't express it — I'm just so happy,” Saranya tells TNIE.

The last few months, understandably, had not been easy. Though Gunalan had health issues in the past, his untimely demise came as a shock to Saranya and her son Dominic Kishore and daughter Kamalini. The teenager was in an India camp at the BCCI Centre of Excellence, going through the grind while Gunalan and Saranya had come to Chennai to visit the doctor. “After coming here, he spoke well in the morning, but a short while later, he suffered a cardiac arrest and passed away. I was the one who called and told Kamalini. She cried so much... I had never seen her cry like that,” Saranya recalls the hardest moment of her life.

Kamalini left the camp midway to attend her father’s funeral and be with the family before joining again a few days later. She then went to England with the India A team in June. In the days and weeks that followed, the family grieved in their own way, while doing what was necessary to keep themselves going. They became each other's strength, determined to be strong, no matter what. "To what extent she truly recovered, I don't know as she was mostly away. But she tried her best to stay strong so that I don't feel any pain. Similarly, I also wanted to be strong for them. My children are my strength," Saranya smiles trying to control her tears at their Thoraipakkam house in Chennai.

While cricket remained the lifeline for Dominic and Kamalini, Saranya had to remain strong for them and herself. Hailing from Madurai, Gunalan had taken care of their lorry business and the cricket part of it while Saranya managed everything else. Now, in his absence, Saranya is determined to take the family forward. "Initially, I couldn't handle it at all. It was extremely difficult. At that moment, I couldn't even think clearly about the children because of the immense pressure. Usually, if I see someone else going through pain, I lose my appetite thinking about them. Going through this myself was really hard to accept. But then I thought, God gives tough situations to those who can bear them. He has blessed me with good children. It's tough, and I couldn't balance it initially, but slowly I recovered for my children,” says Saranya, who understands that the path ahead isn't easy, but it is one they had decided as a family.

"I can't break down now just because he isn't here. How can I let him lose? Even when he wanted us to move to Chennai, I wasn't sure. But then I realized how much effort he put into building their cricket careers. If I pack up and leave now, it would feel like admitting defeat in front of family, relatives and everyone. Until my daughter reaches great heights in Indian cricket and my son grows to a good level, I won't give up on cricket or leave this place," Saranya says with resolve.

Through this tough time, the cricketing community came together to show their support in every way possible. "From the Tamil Nadu Cricket Association to Louis Mariano, her long-time coach and director of Super Kings Academy, Mumbai Indians, BCCI, coaches and her state and India teammates, every one showed up and helped whenever we needed something," the mother adds.

While Saranya and her two children have tried to put one foot in front of the other and move forward, grief isn't as simple. Kamalini, who has always been a mature, confident teenager, used to tell her dad Gunalan that she knew what she was doing, and why he was advising her as if she was a novice. Now, she misses those conversations dearly. "Her dad used to keep giving her advice, and she would say, "Dad, I've played a lot, I know what to do. Why do you keep advising me like I'm a small child?" But he would keep telling her out of care. Whatever she does, her dad used to constantly guide her — even if it felt a bit like nagging, he did it out of love as a father. Now she says she misses that guidance and having someone to look after her," Saranya explains. Kamalini reflected the sentiment in her social media post after the final too.

For them, as long as they are involved in cricket, Gunalan will always be with them in spirit. "I don't feel like he's gone at all. Whether he is physically here or not, he remains our strength. He is right here with us. Without him, such good things wouldn't be happening for the kids. His complete blessings are with both of them. He is like a guiding force for them and is right beside them. The kids feel it too. I knew beforehand about his health issues, which I never fully disclosed to the children. But he is here. Without his blessings, these opportunities wouldn't come," she says, reiterating that Kamalini and Dominic too have embraced the grief, and taken it in their stride.

"I told them, 'Your dad lived for cricket; whenever you play cricket, that's when your dad lives on.' Now, they are doing well, staying focused. My son, who was in Dubai with her, is back and he has his league matches to focus on. He is also becoming more mature and responsible now, realizing that he needs to take care of the family. They both fulfill what their father envisioned. Of course, they do get respite from constant practice, and have their own personal lives. I tell them, 'Talk to me about anything, stay disciplined, and don't take any wrong steps. I will support you through everything'. Both of them are being very brave now, taking charge of their own careers thinking, 'We only have ourselves; we have to stand for our mother.' I also won't give up. He was the reason for their cricket, and we shouldn't let that go. There's a belief that he is living on through it," Saranya's eyes well up as she wears a resolute smile.

Kamalini knows that too. As she dedicated the Asia Cup win to her father, the next step is not too far away. The teenager will be a part of the team that represents India at the Asian Games next week. If and when she gets a chance there, or any time she walks out on the field in India colours, expect her to give it all, not just for her team and the country, but also for her father who will be watching from the heavens and be with her every step of the way. Just like he had done all her life.